


all flaws must be repaired

by ainoscenario



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Mental Health Issues, Other, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26637997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ainoscenario/pseuds/ainoscenario
Summary: he had it worse than you, so you couldn't be upset
Relationships: Choi Saeran/Reader
Kudos: 24





	all flaws must be repaired

It felt so…  _ loud. _

Saeran himself wasn’t actually speaking loudly, but every word that came from his mouth echoed in your head as your brain twisted the meaning until it was incomprehensible. Observant as he was, you were better at hiding. 

He’d been getting better. Rika’s clutches had kept their vice grip on his mind every day but they were slowly dissipating. He smiled more, laughed more, was able to express himself in healthy ways. Was it wrong to be jealous of him for that? You were sure that anyone you asked would say that his life had been worse than yours, so how come he was able to eventually recover while you couldn’t walk down the street without thinking of running straight into traffic? 

“Hey, are you listening?”

Your attention was quickly drawn back to your boyfriend in front of you, a worried expression on his face. “You looked… far away. Distracted. Are you okay?”

Giving him a realistically fake smile, you waved off his concerns under the guise of thinking what to have for dinner later. He clearly didn’t buy it but didn’t press you any further. “... You’d tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?”

It hurt so much lying to him.

“Yeah.”

꧁꧂

How many days had it been since you left your room? You couldn’t tell what was really people knocking at your door and what was your imagination. No matter how many times you scratched your arms or washed your hands, your body was numb. It was exhausting, knowing something is wrong yet not being able to do anything about it.

Have you ever loved someone so much you tortured yourself for their sake?

Saeran knowing about your issues would do nothing but cause more for him, a spiral of self-blame and eventual self-destruction. You never understood why Jihyun had stayed with Rika despite all the pain she caused him, but now you felt as if you were in a twisted version of that. It wasn’t Saeran’s fault nor would it ever be, but you still felt yourself deteriorating as the days went on. 

You could only assume this was your punishment for the choices you made in life. You were not meant to be happy, you were not meant to be loved. All you were good for is destroying your relationships and doing nothing as the rubble and dust settled in front of you. You had seen Saeran’s texts begging you to speak to him and you were almost positive he or his brother had hacked it by now to try and communicate with you - or tried rather, given that you had smashed your phone against the wall on impulse. If you couldn’t speak to your boyfriend, he would eventually give up on you and find someone normal he could be with. Someone who could help him instead of whatever you were doing to him. You weren’t religious, but every moment you breathed around Saeran made you feel like you had to repent for taking his air. He should be with someone deserving breathing in tandem with him.

Was he outside your door now, begging and pleading for you to talk to him? Or was that another one of the falsehoods your brain created? 

“Please… just say something to me.” That sure sounded real. 

You slowly crawled over to the door before laying your head against it with a soft  _ thump. _ It hurt him now, but one day it would get better.

“Don’t worry Saeran, this is for the best.”

This is how it was meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> cross posted from my tumblr


End file.
